Life with a Cherry on Top

We discovered a new frozen yogurt place, easily within walking distance from home. It's called Cherry on Top. The flavors are fabulous. The toppings are over the top.And the best part? You build your own yogurt creation,  then pay by weight. "OK, this will put on about four pounds of fat, so it'll be eight dollars, please." No, wait. They weigh the yogurt, not the customer! It's not an everyday thing to do, but it makes a great treat.

We walked to Cherry on Top Tuesday evening, loaded up our cups, and headed a few more blocks down to a park where Jonathan could play. Suddenly, we felt like kids again, not because of a sugar high, monkey bars or swings, but because of the shyness with which Jonathan approached the playground.Some kids tear it up on the playground, running up the ladders and barreling down the slides, blowing past other kids, or even crashing into them. Other kids whine and cry about everything. Little girls play in twos, having imaginary parties, playing house, making up stories as they go. Jonathan stands back and takes stock of things. He yields when other kids are aggressive. And sometimes he just stands his ground quietly and lets other kids work around him.

We didn't instruct him on how to behave at the park, i.e., "please be quiet, let other kids play first if they step in front of you, and don't whine." We are pretty much the same with him at the park as anywhere else. That is, we are firm with him when we need to be, empathizing with his feelings, and sure to give him an abundance of hugs and kisses. And we love to laugh. I'd like to think that our parenting sets up the boundaries of the canvas upon which Jonathan can paint his life story. Hopefully, the canvas is quite expansive, and pure white. But there seem to be some pencil sketch marks already there. His flexibility, thoughtfulness, and tendency to withdraw into himself a bit seem just as natural as his dark hair and blue eyes.

The feeling of being kids again came, because we were both the kind of kid that Jonathan is showing himself to be. I remember the beginning of recess in elementary school: some kids ran to the swings; boys set up games of touch football, girls jumped rope and did twirls on the monkey bars; loud voices filled the air. Quietly, I took it all in, and wondered where I wanted to go. Some things looked fun, others intimidating, and still others looked like you had to be a girl, or friends with certain people in order to play. I tried most games or playground toys over time. Depending on the activity, I spent as much time thinking about what I was doing as actually doing it. For most of my life, I interpreted my approach as a lack of confidence, and indeed my hesitating often was interpreted by others as such. But as I get older, I am learning to appreciate the qualities that made me who I was. If my life were written as a book, that quiet, thoughtful kid would have been foreshadowing that hinted at my future discovery of psychology. Much later than my elementary school years, I learned to put together my interest in and curiosity toward people with that same thoughtfulness that held me at the edge of the playground.

 This post was not meant to be about me! What I'm trying to express is a feeling that it's amazing watching Jonathan grow and learn and experience life through fresh eyes. Looking back at pictures of him as an infant, we can see little signs, cues to later personality developments as a toddler. Who knows what signs and hints we're getting now, and how those will develop? Only time will tell. It's extraordinary to be a part of his life, and both of us parents are better persons for it. He is our cherry on top.

Have you found qualities in your kids that you can trace back to earlier times in their lives?